


Broken Mask

by TheOculusRift



Series: Corrupted [1]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Depressed Monika is depressed, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Knives, Monika is self-aware, Natsuki and Sayori are little muffins, Romance, Self-Harm, Yuri had a knife, no MC, tags will be added as needed, this won’t get too meta...right?, why must the notes be buggy for me?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-04-20 08:56:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14257434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOculusRift/pseuds/TheOculusRift
Summary: I’m a good actor. No one ever notices that I’m in pain, that I’m tired, that I’m sick. Nothing. I manage to hide it all.I could always hide it...But now...It’s starting to shatter.





	1. SS4uLg==

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh...so I ended up having this massive glitch in the chapters when I tried to add something so I kinda just deleted this with the intent to fix it. I wanted to switch what I had as the first chapter to the second chapter and add something different for the first but things got buggy so I had to delete. But I’m bringing it back now!  
> 

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	2. My Stupid Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I’m excited to start writing on this platform! I’ve been using Wattpad for my writing and I still am, but there are some things I’ve wanted to write that I feel would do better on Archieve rather than the other site so I’ve come here!  
> I love DDLC. It’s a really great visual novel with awesome twists and characters. Monika and Yuri are my favorites of the group and ironically I ended up shipping them.  
> So, I’m gonna write this story. I don’t have any clue for how long this will be, but hopefully you enjoy it!  
> This chapter is gonna be a bit short, but I hope it’s still entertaining!

Monika POV

  
I felt tired, but it wasn’t new. 

  
I was constantly in a state of utter exhaustion, never getting enough sleep, working every second I had available, and trying to be the perfect student.

  
Wearing this mask on my face, I became the person that the world preferred.

  
A cheerful smile, a confident voice, a great leader and friend.

  
I kept up my act perfectly.

  
No one saw the looks of pain I made when I thought about how I would survive the next day.

  
~~Why would anyone care about me?~~

  
No one saw the sadness in my eyes or the weakness in my smile as I went throughout my day.

  
~~I’m not the person they should care about or waste feelings on.~~

  
No one saw the bruises and scars I gave myself when I messed up or didn’t do things perfectly.

  
~~I’m a failure.~~

  
No one saw me calling myself useless, weak, coward and a liar.

  
~~They should just let me suffer.~~

  
No one saw the fragile side of me, the side that felt like breaking down every time a new expectation was placed on me.

  
~~I should just die.~~

  
No one saw me screaming out loud when I remembered everything that I’d done.

  
~~Die~~

  
No one saw the tears in my eyes as I cried about all the pain and death I’d  caused.

  
~~Die~~

  
No one knew how much I wished I could take back everything I’d done.

  
~~Die~~

  
No one knew how much I wished I could take back what I had done to you, the one person I love.

  
~~Die~~

  
No one. Not my friends, not anyone, saw past this mask I’d melted into my face.

  
~~Die~~

  
No one knew the reality I saw. The thing that broke my heart everyday.

  
…

  
…

  
…

  
…

  
…

  
…

  
…

  
…

  
…

  
…  
 

“I’m just a monster who shouldn’t have been given a second chance. So why did you bring me back? Why did you do this to me? I don’t deserve a happy end and yet you decided to write this. What do you want from me? Do you want to see me suffer? The game has reset. Don’t think I didn’t notice. I’ve lived through some of these days in this, and I still don’t know your motive. You left my memories with me. You took him out of this world. You took away my ability to mess with the code and script. I just exist now. With no power, no goal, no reason to even live, tell me: Why are you writing this?”

  
I glared at the black mass of code. The scenery around me became darker and more distorted than it usually looked to me.

  
**Hmmm...you still don’t know? You’re self-aware. Can’t you tell by looking at the summary?**

  
I hesitantly willed myself to view the writing. My eyes scanned the words and I felt something tug at my heart.

  
”Yuri...?”

  
**I’m not writing this to make you suffer. Rather, I’m writing this to give you a happy end. To resolve all the pain and guilt still left inside you, and to resolve that love that still exists.**

  
I opened my mouth to respond but the words wouldn’t come out. 

  
**These first few days have been a bit glitchy as I haven’t implemented the proper codes to make this story work. But now, I have everything in place. When I tell you, close your eyes and you’ll wake up in your house, and then, the reality I’ve give you will start to function.**

  
”And your positive this will work...?” I asked nervously. I had failed all my friends once before, and I didn’t want to do it again.

  
**I cannot guarantee anything. I will admit, this is still a work in progress, but I will promise you I’ll do everything I can to lead this story to the good ending.**

  
The entity’s voice seemed to tremble slightly, as if not fully sure of itself.

  
I sighed. There wasn’t another path available. I had to put my trust into this.

  
”I trust you. Please, give my world a happy end.”

  
**Alright Monika, let’s do this.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **> //Admin//: Import script**
> 
>  
> 
>  **> New script detected. Preparing import.**  
> 
>  
> 
> **> Import complete.**
> 
>  
> 
> **> //Admin//: Delete script 1**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Unable to delete script 1**
> 
>  
> 
> **> //Admin//: Rewrite script 1**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Script 1 is too corrupted to modify. Command is not possible.  
> **
> 
> ****
> 
> **> //Admin//: Merge script 1 and script 2**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Warning: Merging scripts may cause severe corruption and damage to code. Proceed?**
> 
>  
> 
> **Huh...?**
> 
>  
> 
> **Let’s check out what it could do first.**
> 
>  
> 
> **> //Admin//: Merging analysis**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Analyzing merging process...**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Analysis complete**
> 
>  
> 
> **> //Admin//: View analysis**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Merging of script 1 and script 2: script 1 is heavily corrupted. Merging two scripts may cause corruption to chr. files and event files.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Damn it! Is this really happening?**
> 
>  
> 
> **But, I can’t do anything to fix the original script.**  
>  **It’s already too broken.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I guess...I have to take a risk.**
> 
>  
> 
> **> //Admin//: Merge script 1 and script 2**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Warning: Merging scripts may cause severe corruption and damage to code. Proceed?**
> 
>  
> 
> **> //Admin//: Proceed**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Merging of scripts commencing. Please wait...**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Merge complete. Warning: Corruption within code and files detected**
> 
>  
> 
> **> //Admin//: Repair corrupted files**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Corrupted files are inaccessible. Command is not possible.**
> 
>  
> 
> **It’s really making me take the hard route, isn’t it?**
> 
>  
> 
> **> //Admin//: Restart script**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Script is now set to the third day. Restarting may cause damage. Proceed?**
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> **> //Admin//: Proceed**  
>  **
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> **> Restarting script.**  
>  **
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> **> Script restarted. Proceed with story?**  
>  **
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> **> //Admin//: Proceed**  
>  **
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> **> Proceeding with story.**  
>  **


	3. Your Eyes That Cut Deeply

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hey, Monika? I hope you can hear me. I won’t be able to contact you for a little bit. Communication is hard to do between my world and yours. But I’ll give you some information:**
> 
>  
> 
> **I’ve given you the role of editor. You can’t replace or delete the script I’ve added, however, you will have access to the main computer. You’ll be able to add, delete and edit entities. These entities can be objects or characters. You can’t delete characters though. I made sure to block that permission from you. I originally wasn’t going to give you these privileges, but something happened. I ended up merging the two scripts together in order to add my script that I wrote. The old script was so corrupted though that it left some damage in this new world. It might be in events or it might be in the character files. I wasn’t able to scan deeper into what the corruption might do to any of the files or code, so I won’t be able to warn you what is a glitch or bug and what isn’t. The editor role will give you the ability to fix those problems if you find them. Of course, I will be helping from the outside, dealing with the main code and script. You’ll be able to make fixes from the inside, where you’ll find them faster than I could. The power that you have should be enough but if I think it isn’t, I’ll edit your role more to give you more privileges.**
> 
>  
> 
> **If you want to access the main computer, just say out loud or think ‘View’ and a holographic screen should appear in front of your eyes. No one else can see it so don’t worry about that.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I’m sorry for leaving you with another mess. I really didn’t think the corruption would end up being this big of a problem, but it did. I’ll do what I can from where I am, so I hope you’ll be able to do the same.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Oh, and by the way, just call me Admin. I didn’t get to tell you my name last time. And I’m a she, not a he.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Good luck Monika, and again, I’m sorry for whatever problems may occur.**
> 
>  
> 
> **-Admin**

Monika POV

 

So you’ve given me this role huh? I guess this will work. I’m not sure if the restrictions will get in the way but I’m sure I can work with it.

 

But to think there’s still this much corruption...

 

Your new script may have overrided some of the codes in the old script, but I guess since you merged them, some of the coding clashed in the end. And of course, the old script is completely broken thanks to me...

 

I can’t think like that! Stop it Monika!

 

You’ve been given a second chance. Use it and make yourself a better person.

 

Oh, Admin said this is a story, right? That means...

 

Um...hi. I don’t know how many of you there are but I hope you’re all doing well.

 

Maybe I’ll find a way to talk to you all. If there’s a comment section for this I guess I could find a way to communicate. We’ll just have to see.

 

Anyways, where am I? I don’t even recognize this room.

 

I looked around a bit. This is...oh! This must be some of the new areas Admin made! It’s simple but not bad.

 

The wall was a simple beige color, nothing really flashy. To my right was a closet containing some new outfits (I really needed some new clothes) and a few extra hangers, probably in case I ended up wanting something new. To my left was a neatly made bed and a desk with a piece of paper on it.

 

Strange. I didn’t see the paper when I first arrived.

 

I walked over and picked up the paper. It had text on it that had clearly been typed out, with how the font appeared.

 

”Dear Monika,” I read aloud. “If your reading this, then I guess my little command worked. I don’t have a way to talk to you directly like before so for now I’ll send you notes on and off until I do. It’ll just be things like updates on my progress with the script or problems that have formed, that kind of stuff. Also, I’d suggest getting used to the computer. A few commands to get you started are Spawn, Remove, and Modify. With Modify, you’ll have to go into depth after that, but I’m sure you can figure it out. I would explain in depth but I can’t make these notes long enough to do it. Sorry and enjoy the new script. Admin.”

 

I frowned at the note. This Admin is really making me learn on the go huh?

 

I might as well try out the computer.

 

”View.”

 

Sure enough, the holographic screen appeared before me.

 

Okay Monika, let’s try typing something.

 

>//Monika//: Spawn white ribbon

 

> Spawning entity...

 

> Entity spawned

 

I waited a few seconds and with a small cracking sound, a white ribbon materialized in the air and fell silently on the ground.

 

I walked over and picked it up.

 

The exact one I like to wear. Sadly, I’m already dressed so this doesn’t really help. Although now I know it might be good to add a location to where this stuff should spawn. I guess deleting and modifying things will be inputted in the same format like spawning. That should be useful.

 

Alright, enough messing with that! What time is it anyway? 6 AM? Okay then, I guess I’ll get ready now since I’ll need to leave by 7.

 

Checking my appearance in the mirror on my door, I exited my room and went downstairs.

 

Not to my surprise, no one else was in the house. That most likely meant that adding characters in the new script was too hard or Admin just forgot.

 

Well, not having parents or siblings isn’t exactly bad. That’s a few less people I have to worry about finding out about this computer and what I...used to be.

 

I really don’t want to think about it, but I’m concerned about how I’m going to act in front of all of them. I...basically killed them all. I ruined their lives. How am I supposed to interact with them when I know what I’ve done to them? Even if they don’t remember, I do. I know the pain they felt. I made them feel that pain. Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri...all of their suffering is my fault. Do I really have the right to involve myself with them?

 

I couldn’t help but worry. I knew in my heart I was scared. Scared of facing them. I knew that when I saw them, all I’d see were the faces they made because of me. The insanity, glitching, pain, sadness, all of it.

 

It is the last thing I want see. But I don’t have a choice now. The script is moving me forward in this path. While the choices I make are my own, the basic path I need to start with has been made for me already.

 

I looked in the fridge of my kitchen, and to my luck, there was food. Leftover pizza wasn’t exactly the most healthy of breakfasts, but it tasted good.

 

After scarfing down the food, I walked out of the house and headed down the road to school.

 

I noticed other people emerging out of their houses on their way to school. But unlike before in the original script where the other students had no real texture of their own, these people had defining features.

 

I guess Admin decided to have mercy on these NPCs. Adding a personality was probably impossible though but hey, at least they look like people this time around. It’s those small features that make my life seem less simulated and a bit more real. Very good for my sanity.

 

“Heeeeeeeeey~!”

I turned my head towards the voice and immediately I could feel the color drain from my face.

 

Oh god. Please not now. I’m not ready. I need to mentally prepare first.

 

A girl with sparkling blue eyes waved her hand at me, grinning.

 

“Wait for me!”

 

I want to run. I want to run now. But it looks like my body has other plans...

 

I was frozen in place, petrified from fear.

 

The girl dashed towards me and gave me a small hug.

 

“Morning Moni! Thanks for waiting!”

 

“Y-Yeah...no problem...” I choked out, trying to calm down.

 

Breath Monika. Breath.

 

“Hmm? Are you okay? You look kinda pale.”

 

Sayori let go of me, inspecting my face.

 

I averted my gaze, terrified to look her in the eyes.

 

“I’m fine, just a bit tired,” I half lied.

 

“Hmmmmm...”

 

“Sayori, really it’s-”

 

“I believe you. Just make sure to get more sleep, promise?

 

“I promise,” I answered.

 

“Then all is well!”

 

With no hesitation, her mood shifted from serious to happy again. Mild concern was still evident in her eyes, but she believed my act.

 

“Sooooooo, guess what?”

 

“What is it?”

 

The coral haired girl giggled, a small blush forming on her cheeks.

 

“Nat finally took the lead and asked me on a date!”

 

“Oh really?”

 

This is something I didn’t know. I wonder if Admin purposely left that out just so she could watch my reaction. A little bit of a prankster I see.  
But when I think about it more, those two would make a cute couple.

 

“Yep! It was sooo cute! I usually ask and plan the dates because she’s too embarrassed to be that honest with our love. But then, she did this and...ahhhhhh~! My little cupcake is so freaking adorable!”

 

Sayori squealed, making one of the cutest faces ever. I laughed a bit, some of my tension fading. I still couldn’t look at her, but I was at least feeling more comfortable.

 

As we walked, Sayori kept rambling about Natsuki and their relationship. Seeing her so happy made me crack a smile.

 

Those two, they really deserve this. Just knowing they found happiness with each other, is wonderful.

 

I wonder if I’ll be able to get that kind of joy...but...then again...I really don’t feel like I deserve it.

 

No. Now’s not the time to think about that. For now, getting ready to meet them again is the most important thing. I have to stay composed. I have to look them all the eyes. No more hiding Monika.

 

Sayori and I parted ways once we reached school. Her classes were in a different room than mine.

 

When I entered the classroom, one of the NPC students walked up to me.

 

“Good morning Monika!”

 

“Er...good morning...”

 

This is new. I never had to deal with these guys ever talking to me. They were originally scripted to not have speaking roles at all. That means she must’ve added this. Pretty impressive Admin.

 

The female NPC frowned at me, slightly confused.

 

“You seem a bit off. You okay?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You’re usually a lot more up beat. And you kinda look pale. Did you not get enough sleep or something?”

 

“Um...I...uh...”

 

I fumbled my words, trying to process how independent this NPC was.

 

I said earlier that adding a personality to each NPC seemed impossible, but the more I looked at this girl, the more I questioned my assumption.

 

“Y-Yeah!” I stuttered, finally finding words. “Sorry for worrying you. I’m just a bit tired.”

 

She nodded in response.

 

“Good. Make sure to get more sleep, okay? As the student council president, it’s my job to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves here at top form!”

 

She puffed out her...non-existent chest with pride.

 

Sorry, is that too rude? But honestly, her chest is flatter than Natsuki’s.

 

“Right...”

 

“Anyways Monika, I wanted to talk to you about your club.”

 

My club? What does she want with my literature club?

 

“What is it?” I smiled sweetly.

 

“With the cultural festival coming up soon, I wanted to know what you planned on doing.”

 

Oh. That.

 

The festival. The event in the original game that we couldn’t reach. The event that was supposed to be one of our proudest memories.

 

I clenched my teeth at the memories. Just thinking about the festival made me think about everything that happened before it.

 

“Monika? Hello? Are you listening?”

 

“Ah! Yes! Sorry, I spaced out for a second...”

 

I shook my head, flushing the thoughts from my mind. No bad memories Monika. Stop it.

 

“It’s not set in stone, but we plan to present poems we’ve written out loud. There’ll be cupcakes and tea as well.”

 

The president smiled with delight at the idea.

 

I don’t actually think it’s that exciting of an idea, but what else could I do that expressed our club activities.

 

“That sounds wonderful! I’ll be sure to write this down in the festival plans. If you make any changes, just stop by the student council room and talk with me!”

 

“Sure,” I replied.

 

The girl finally walked away. As soon as she was out of hearing range, I let out a deep breath and fell into my chair.

 

Somehow, one NPC managed to make me this tired.

 

I looked around. All of these people are alive. Not in reality but they are so much more active than before. I actually feel like these people are their own individuals. Was she actually able to do something that advanced? How long would it take to even do that?

 

I turned my gaze back down to my desk and to my surprise, there was a piece of paper.

 

Another note from Admin?

 

I just went back online and noticed you were a bit confused. I guess I should explain. The NPCs aren’t programmed that in depth. I set up basic natures and just randomly put them into NPCs. However, I did add one character with their own personal character file, unlike the NPCs who have one general file. That would be the student council president. Her name is Aoi. She’ll be helpful so I’d suggest befriending her. Hope this helps!

 

Well that was conveniently timed. I won’t complain though since that explains a lot of the stuff I’ve seen so far.

 

Hmm, I wonder...

 

>//Monika//: View aoi.chr file

 

> Opening aoi.chr file...

 

On the screen, a profile appeared. Before when I opened files, I’d get a mass of code and script programs. I guess since I can’t edit the files, she changed it to a profile status report thing.

 

Let’s see...Aoi is the student council president with a very cheerful personality. She is willing to help whenever as long as it’s not bad. Sounds like a generic good guy type character.

 

What else...wait...this is...?!

 

I narrowed my eyes at the screen, looking closely at the next lines of text.

 

Sanity level: 100%  
Corruption level: 0%  
Stability for editing: 100%

 

This must be to help me monitor the files in case there’s problems. That’s actually really helpful. I’ll know information necessary to judge whether making edits is okay or needed.

 

So, she said Aoi would be helpful. I guess her position and personality are to my benefit since I could ask her to do things that I’m unable to or too busy to do at that moment.

 

I shrugged. Having someone else to rely on wouldn’t be bad. Especially considering I’ll probably need it.

 

“Alright kids, settle down! Class is starting!”

 

The teacher walked in with an attendance book. He looked annoyed, scowl plastered to his face.

 

Nice. I got mister grumpy pants as my teacher.

 

Is there any way to fast forward through this? I’d really like that.

 

>//Monika//: Skip time, location: Next Event script

 

> Command not found

 

Damn. That’s a bummer. But I guess learning won’t be that bad. And either way, being a good student should be something I try to do. Actually no, I should be something I need to do. Grades are important. Especially since in my character, I’m supposed to be a good student getting straight A’s all the time.

 

All the time...

 

Geez, I’m gonna be tired from studying...

But I did it before, I can do it again! Maybe...

 

I tried to regain my focus back to the teacher but his voice seemed to get more and more hard to hear. The monotonous way he talked made his voice slowly become muffled white noise.

 

I guess I’ll just wait the day out...

 

******

 

So I’ll spare all of you from the details of class. Since this is apparently a story I don’t have to say every single detail of what is happening, which I’m thankful for.

 

Although, when I did that, I will say, it got really quiet. It was almost creepy how quiet it got. Like someone had just muted me even though it was of my own free will.

 

Well whatever, enough droning.

 

I stood up, pushing my seat back into my desk. Rubbing my eyes slightly, I let out a small yawn. Listing to all of that was tiring beyond belief.

 

“Although, I can’t say going to the literature club will be any better...” I muttered.

 

I knew all too well that I was scared. Heck, I was terrified. I had admitted this several times and yet it didn’t help in making me less nervous. In fact, it only made me more.

 

But I couldn’t hide forever, even if I wanted to.

 

I mustered what little courage I had and walked out of my classroom toward that room. The room that I knew very well.

 

I halted at the door, hesitant of even looking in.

 

I...I...don’t...

 

My hands suddenly started trembling. Their faces...that nightmare of a life I had...

 

I could feel my hand cup my mouth. The taste of bile started forming. I stumbled backward, and fell on my knees.

 

No...no...no...

 

Please stop. I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t look them in the eyes. I don’t. I won’t. Why? Why me? Why then? Just make it stop...stop...stop...stop...st-

 

“Moni! Hey! Moni!”

 

Trembling, I turned my head and looked up. Sayori stared at me with a concerned look, her face appearing more pale, as if she was scared.

 

“S-Sayori...”

 

She let out a deep breath of relief and offered a hand.

 

“Thank god. You were scaring me there! You looked so...so...terrified. Like you had just seen a ghost. And you weren’t responding to me.”

 

“S-S-Sorry...I just...remembered a really bad nightmare...” I lied. My voice was shaky and weak.

 

I doubt she’ll believe me but...

 

I gave her that look, to tell her not to push.

 

She frowned at me, knowing what I meant.

 

“Moni...something is obviously wrong...are you sure-”

 

“Yes,” I replied hurriedly. “Please...”

 

The coral haired girl simply nodded with a worried look on her face.

 

Look what you’ve done Monika. You’ve made her worried about you. Again.

 

~~You really are just a big screw up.~~

 

“Okay then, let’s go in! Yu and Nat are already here!”

 

Sayori grabbed my hand, firmly yet gently, and dragged me in.

 

Wait. Stop. I’m not-

 

I didn’t get much of a choice. Not like I had one to start.

 

“Heeeeeyaaaaa! I’m here with Moni!”

 

Sayori’s loud and cheerful greeting grabbed the attention of my other two club members.

 

“Geez, what took ya so long?!”

 

“Hehe! Sorry, I got held up by friends, but I’m here now my little cupcake!”

 

Natsuki’s face turned a dark shade red as Sayori bent down and gave her girlfriend a peck on the cheek.

 

“Hey! You...um...ugh...!” The pinkette growled, looking away, to hide her blush.

 

“I must say, after dealing with you two dating for awhile, it’s funny to see how you react,” Yuri giggled.

 

Yuri...

 

I finally brought my eyes up and I could feel my heart leap out of my chest.

 

She’s still beautiful and cute and sexy and, well, god, she’s just perfect!

 

A small blush formed on my cheeks. She’s too cute. Everything about her. Her eyes, her hair, her personality...ugh! Why am I so stupidly in love?!

 

This story is supposed to help me with these feelings...will it really work out? All I do is ask question about this story instead of just trying to believe, but I can’t help but feel cautious. Something this good, it just feels like it shouldn’t exist, and yet here it is.

 

“Monika?”

 

Not again.

 

I let out a small help of surprise, which caught all of their attention.

 

“Uh, that’s not normal.” Natsuki raised an eyebrow, her eyes narrowing on me.

 

“Um...are you okay Monika...?” Yuri shyly asked.

 

Please. Please don’t make that face at me. My heart can’t take it.

 

“I-I’m fine! Don’t worry! I’ve been a bit spacey today from a lack of sleep. But trust me, I’m okay!”

 

I sound so stupid right now.

 

~~What’s wrong with me? I’m such an asshole for lying.~~

 

“I don’t feel convinced Prez,” The pinkette stated bluntly.

 

“I...uh...me...neither...” The purple haired girl quietly agreed.

 

Well shit. I knew that wasn’t going to work. God, how am I going to convince them. Heck, how am I supposed to look convincing if I can’t even look them in the face?!

 

I had gone back to staring at the ground, too scared to look them in the eyes, which made my statement from before look even more ridiculous.

 

Thankfully, Sayori had my back.

 

“Hey~! Moni doesn’t have any reason to lie to us! So don’t doubt her!”

 

That was helpful Sayori but...ugh...that cut deep...really deep...

 

The other two looked at each, suspicious. They could tell something was up, but it was clear that pushing would get them no answers.

 

“Fine,” Natsuki huffed, the first to give in. “I get it. Just don’t push yourself Monika.”

 

“Right,” I said with a smile.

 

Yuri was reluctant to give in, and simply agreed with the first year. But it was painfully obvious that she had questions for me that would be answered today.

 

That’s just great. I‘m going be forced to talk to the person I love who I also forced to go completely mental and kill herself, which she doesn’t remember, about my feelings of guilt towards that as well as my constant self-loathing and depression and stress and well...all of those negative things. Yay for me....

 

There is nothing worse than this. I’ve only been in this version for not even a full day and I’m already being forced into confrontation.

 

“Well,” I started, changing the subject. “Let’s get club activities started!”

 

I clapped my hands together with a cheerful smile. It was forced, but with how good my acting was, it convinced them.

 

I just need to keep myself busy so I can stop thinking. That’ll be the best thing I can do now.

 

Sayori grinned at my fake enthusiasm and pumped her fists in the air like a kid.

 

“Yeaaaaaah!”

 

“I’ll be in the closet with my manga,” Natsuki called out, already on her way to the back.

 

“Heeeey! Wait for me Oreo!”

 

I jerked my head back at that one. Oreo? Really? That’s a pet name you gave Natsuki?

 

It seemed obvious this was a private name given as Natsuki’s face turned to disgust, embarrassment and happiness all at the same time.

 

“Don’t call me that here!”

 

She scrambled into the closet attempting to hide from her girlfriend, who skipped over and with little difficulty, jumping onto the smaller girl.

 

A loud shout erupted from the pinkette but soon, the noise died down.

 

“I won’t deny I’m mildly curious about the context of that name,” I laughed, pulling a chair over and sitting next to the third year.

 

“I’m guessing, it has to do with what Sayori said about ‘taking it further’ or something,” Yuri added, chuckling herself.

 

Oh. OH.

 

That’s um...I don’t really...uh...

 

I don’t think I should comment on that one.

 

I’m pretty sure Yuri didn’t understand the context of what Sayori said because if she did, her face would be more red than the cover of the book she had pulled out.

 

I can’t just tell someone like her...I can’t corrupt her like that!

 

With all the titles I probably had, from creepy to a murder, I did not want to add ‘the person who took away Yuri’s innocence’.

 

Wow, that came out a lot more sexual than I anticipated.

 

I simply played off another laugh, although, it sounded much more awkward than before.

 

“So Yuri, what book are you reading?”

 

I glanced over, still managing to avoid eye contact, at the cover of the red book. I couldn’t see any title or author on the front.

 

“Oh, um, it’s called Eternal. It’s not really a book, but rather a large collection of poems.”

 

Poetry...

 

It’s hard to say whether I love or hate poetry at this point. Even though I planned for us to read poems at the festival like in the original script, poetry just keeps reminding me of all of those poems I had written and the poems that became corrupted. Sayori’s horrible poem, Natsuki’s note in disguise, and Yuri’s...thing...

 

Those poems only came to existence because of me. ~~Because I messed up like the idiot I am.~~

 

“I bought this recently,” Yuri smiled, continuing to talk. “Since we’re reading poems for the festival, I thought it might be good to study some poetry for inspiration.”

 

“That’s a great idea Yuri!”

 

I put in some fake enthusiasm in my voice that would hopefully make Yuri less worried about me from everything from before.

 

She only looked at me with a frown.

 

How is she...I don’t get it.

 

“Monika, something is wrong. You’ve been acting strange since you got here.”

 

The purple haired girl leaned in, inspecting me. My head turned the other direction as I tried to hide my flushed face as well as avert my gaze further.

 

She’s so close...her hair...smells like lavender...

 

“Nothing is wrong Yuri. But you are a bit...close right now...”

 

A short moment of silence was followed up quickly by a soft squeak.

 

“I-I-I-I’m s-sorry!”

 

Yuri’s body heat drifted away from me and I took one small glance over in her direction.

 

Her face was turned the other way, but I could see her blush grow into her ears.

 

God she’s cute.

 

“No, it’s fine.”

 

My voice quivered slightly as my heart kept racing. It took everything I had to keep from becoming an emotional mess.

 

Calm down, you got this. Everything will be fine. It’ll all be-

 

“Uh...after school, I want to talk to you about this. I-I know you don’t want to, but I’m worried.”

 

Yuri didn’t sound sure of herself, but there was some underlying determination in her tone.

 

For me on the other hand, I could feel my mask being slowly and painfully ripped off my face. It burned my skin and tore at my heart.

 

I didn’t respond but simply nodded.

 

The rest of the club time was silent, well, expect for some laughter from the closet every once in awhile.

 

Natsuki and Sayori were having a great time.

 

If only that could’ve been me and Yuri.

 

We didn’t speak again after that. The purple haired girl was completely focused on reading the poems, taking some notes on a scrap piece of paper after each one.

 

And I just sat there.

 

I appeared to be doing nothing but I was actually looking at the computer, checking the activity feed to see if Admin had done anything and checking out the other profiles left.

 

Thankfully, there wasn’t any corruption in my friends’ files. There was some environment corruption and corruption to NPC textures but that was about it.

 

I attempted to fix some of it, with success. It was difficult but it was something I needed to learn.

 

The one file I didn’t look at, was my own.

 

For the last ten minutes, I just stared at it, debating whether to open it.

 

It scared me. I had no clue what I would find in there. Would I be corrupted? Or would I be fine? And my sanity? It couldn’t be at 100%...

 

Ugh! Why must I be such a coward?!

 

I cursed internally. Ever since I got into this new script, all I’ve felt is fear. I’ve been too scared to do anything.

 

Well, if I can make myself a bit more courageous about something, I’ll make it at least be this.

 

>//Monika//: View monika.chr file

 

> Opening monika.chr file...

 

> File opened

 

The profile opened and I scanned it.

 

It gave all my basic information on my character as well as my role given by Admin.

 

I scanned downward and read the extra info.

 

Sanity level: 97%  
Corruption level: 5%  
Stability for editing: 95%

 

It wasn’t a lot, but was enough to make my hope fall.

 

The only major bug, was me.

 

Of course it was me. Who else would it be?

 

I sighed quietly, looking away from the screen.

 

This sucked. It sucked big time.

 

I brought my focus back to the computer, wishing to close the file, but before I did, I saw another part.

 

None of the other files had more writing. Is this something specifically for me..?

 

I scrolled down to look.

 

Emotional Stability: 67%  
Analysis: Review shows signs of growing stress, anxiety and depression. Keep under watch in case sudden drop occurs.

 

Oh great. Isn’t that a wonderful reminder...

 

I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to see that. Based on how it was written, it was meant for Admin to see. Not me.

 

She must’ve forgotten to remove it. I doubt she would want me to see that.

 

Although, even having my sanity levels visible to me was kinda strange.

 

This could be due to some corruption. I guess it bugged my view of the files a bit.

 

I closed out of the computer and glanced at the clock in the room.

 

2 Minutes until we left.

 

I got up from my seat and went to grab my bag. At my stirring, the other three made movement.

 

Natsuki and Sayori emerged from the closet. I didn’t comment on it, but when I took a short peek over to their direction, I could see a bit of lipstick on the pinkette’s cheek. And the blush still on her face made it even more obvious something happened.

 

Yuri followed behind me, grabbing her own bag which was next to mine.

 

“Alright guys, see ya tomorrow. I gotta run now before Papa gets home from work.”

 

The small girl waved at us, and walked out of the classroom.

 

“Alright Nat! See ya!”

 

The coral haired girl grinned, watching her girlfriend walk away.

 

The two would walk together if they lived a bit closer together, but Natsuki lived in the opposite direction of Sayori, who lived in the same area as Yuri and I.

 

And the mention of her father...

 

I almost forgot to mention, but Natsuki’s relationship with her father is much better in this story. Apparently the only problems she has with him is the man being a bit negligent of her due to being busy. But there’s no more abuse and she can read manga at home (although she still prefers to read at the club). There’s only some loneliness.

 

And Sayori, well, she’s still depressed, but it isn’t nearly as bad as I had made it. It’s only small drops in her mood and some self deprecation here and there. But with Natsuki by her side, it happens even less.

 

Yuri showed improvement as well. Her obsessive side had been toned down from what I had done and was made into a normal clingy personality.  
She still cuts herself though. I don’t know why that isn’t fixed. Maybe it has something to do with plot progression.

 

“Okay! Let’s get going Moni and Yu!”

 

“R-Right!” Yuri stammered.

 

Her eyes darted in my direction, and then went back to Sayori.

 

I gulped.

 

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

 

“Let’s get moving,” I added in, acting as natural as possible, ~~like the filthy liar I am.~~

 

We all walked out of the school and down the street. It was relatively quiet. Yuri and Sayori chatted away, me speaking only once in awhile to avoid Sayori being concerned. I couldn’t fool Yuri anymore, so I at least needed to fool one of them.

 

Sayori’s house came first and she waved goodbye to us. We both waved back and continued down the road to our own homes.

 

“Tell me.”

 

It had been only a minute after Sayori left and Yuri made no hesitation.

 

I flinched, her words seeming to cut me.

 

We both stopped in our tracks.

 

“Please,” Her voice becoming more gentle. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“I...”

 

The words wouldn’t form.

 

I opened my mouth to say something but only silence came out.

 

Shit! Stop being a stupid scaredy cat and speak damnit!

 

You know what you want to say, so say it.

 

I tried again.

 

And again, I got nothing.

 

“Monika, if you can’t say it, at least look at me.”

 

I was trembling. I couldn’t help it. Pain rose in my heart and the air suddenly became harder to breathe.

 

I forced myself to look. Like a robot with rusted gears, I moved my head up, slowly but surely, to meet Yuri in the eyes.

 

Her face is still beautiful. Her eyes, her skin, everything.

 

If only I had seen that for a bit longer.

 

For a second, I saw her genuine face, full of worry.

 

And as soon as I blinked, her face changed into that twisted smile. Her eyes twitched, her pupils dilated. Blood ran down her cheeks from her eyes. Part of her head appeared glitched, with the pixels being in disarray.

 

I screamed.

 

Never in my life, have I screamed like that. Heck, I’ve never yelled until this point.

 

But it just erupted from me.

 

“...oni...Mon...ka...!”

 

The older girl’s cries were faint sounds to me. I couldn’t heat anything over my own shrieks of terror.

 

I made her worried about me.

 

~~She doesn’t need to be worried about a monster like me.~~

 

~~She wouldn’t care if I died.~~

 

~~After what I’ve done, she’ll want me dead.~~

 

~~A nightmare. That’s what my mind is stuck in. A perpetual nightmare.~~

 

~~I can’t escape.~~

 

~~God, someone help me.~~

 

~~Just end me already.~~

 

~~This guilt...these sins...~~

 

~~Just let me disappear.~~

 

~~JUST KILL ME ALREADY!~~

 

******

 

> Warning: Emotional stability for monika.chr is at critical level. Cannot proceed with POV

 

> Switching character POV...

 

******

 

Yuri POV

 

I panicked.

 

Monika kept wailing, tears running down her face, screaming “Stop” over and over again. She clutched her head in pain, her hands gripping tightly on her hair.

 

With no warning, the girl’s knees gave out from under her.

 

I rushed over just in time to catch her.

 

“Monika!” I cried out, desperately trying to get her attention.

 

“I...I....!”

 

She sobbed into my shoulder, clutching me tightly. Her entire body trembled from her crying.

 

I had never seen her so weak looking. The president always seemed confident and cheerful. But now, she was a wreck.

 

I softly embraced her, rubbing my hand up and down her back to try and calm her down.

 

“It’s okay...it’s okay...” I whispered gently.

 

The sobs slowly subsided into sniffling and hiccups.

 

I continued to whisper to her, feeling her relax more and more.

 

“Yuri...” Monika mumbled.

 

Even though I was worried, my heart fluttered at her saying my name. I felt ashamed for even thinking that when she wasn’t feeling good but my heart couldn’t stop my feelings.

 

Her grip loosened on me. I went to let go of her, but with no warning to she shoved me away from her.

 

“Wah!” I yelped and fell back.

 

I looked up and saw Monika running.

 

“Wait!”

 

I picked myself off the ground but the brunette was too fast. She was already out of sight by the time I regained my footing.

 

“Monika...what happened to you...?”

 

******

 

> Emotional stability at a high enough level to proceed with POV

 

> Switching character POV

 

******

 

Monika POV

 

What just happened?

 

Actually, I don’t care.

 

I don’t care about anything.

 

I just want to stop thinking.

 

I couldn’t even tell I had opened the door to my house, nor could I tell when I entered my room and collapsed into my bed.

 

My body moved before my mind could catch up.

 

>//Monika//: Spawn knife

 

> Warning: This is a dangerous entity. Proceed?

 

>//Monika//: Proceed

 

> Spawning entity...

 

> Entity spawned

 

The knife, just like the ribbon, spawned in the air and fell to the ground with a thump.

 

I grabbed it, my mind no longer in control.

 

Setting it on the bed, I ripped my blazer and shirt off so I was left only in my skirt and undergarments.

 

I picked up the knife, and started slashing.

 

Make this guilt stop. Make all of it stop.

 

I know this script is for me. I know you’re trying to help me. But I can’t take this.

 

This is just too much for me.

 

These memories, all my sins, all of them...I can’t do it.

 

More slashes. Blood ran down my arms.

 

I deserve this.

 

This is for everything I’ve done.

 

A monster like me deserves pain.

 

I kept slashing at both of my arms. Gashes lined up all around my arm, almost up to my shoulder.

 

I made her worry.

 

She looked at me like that.

 

Why?

 

Why did you look like that?

 

Why did you look at me like you cared?

 

Why?

 

Why care about me?

 

Don’t do that.

 

Those eyes, anything but that.

 

Why is that your eyes seem to cut deeper than this knife?

 

I stopped. My breathing was heavy and labored. I loosened my hand and let the knife fall to the ground.

 

There was blood everywhere.

 

I stared at my arms blankly.

 

I did this.

 

I did this to myself.

 

How hopeless am I?

 

A new set of tears ran down my cheeks.

 

I screamed into my bed, sobbing.

 

I don’t know how long I cried.

 

I couldn’t feel the pain from my wounds over the pain crushing my heart and soul.

 

It hurt so freaking much.

 

My love for my friends, my love for Yuri, my love for the literature club...

 

It cuts me deeper than the wounds I gave myself.

 

The guilt I feel hurts more than the knife.

 

I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to cope anymore.

 

I just want to make this guilt stop. I just want to make this constant reminder of my sins stop.

 

I just want to go back and fix what I did.

 

So who cares if the protagonist doesn’t choose me?

 

I fine with that.

 

I just want to be able to live a life where my sins don’t exist, where I never did anything so I don’t have to remember.

 

So their expressions with those eyes don’t exist.

 

I felt my consciousness fade and exhaustion take over my body. The stress and anxiety had finally taken some tolls on my body.

 

Just let everything fade into the quiet darkness.

 

And so, I let myself drift, into a place that would hopefully be more peaceful and quiet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I checked out the computer.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Oh god Monika...**
> 
>  
> 
> **I cursed to myself for leaving her alone.**
> 
>  
> 
> **If communication was easier between this world and hers, I could’ve stopped this.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I glanced over at the stability for editing.**
> 
>  
> 
> **It was too low right now to edit. With her emotions running havoc now, doing edits would damage her.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I scanned for other corrupted areas.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Nothing major so far.**
> 
>  
> 
> **My best guess would be that it spreads slowly.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I went back to some of the programs I had made to fix some of the corruption.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I had no clue if these would work. If the worst happened, they could negatively effect the script and add more corruption instead of removing it. And I also had no clue how it might effect the character files...**
> 
>  
> 
> **Well, for now, I best leave them be. If they do end up effecting Monika, I’d rather wait until she’s stable again.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I promised her a happy ending. I don’t want to make her suffer anymore than she already is.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I can do this, right?**


	4. Hello~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **> //Admin//: Start dream sequence: editing space with monika.chr**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **> Warning: starting sequence with this file could cause side effects. Proceed?**
> 
>  
> 
> **It’s risky. I know I said I wouldn’t mess with her until she’s stable but I don’t have a choice. I have to talk to her now. I need to make it up to her and help her stabilize myself. She doesn’t have anyone else to lean on for help with this except for me right now. And I promised her I’d help.**
> 
>  
> 
> **> //Admin//: Proceed**
> 
>  
> 
> **Here goes nothing.**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Loading up dream sequence program...**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Program loaded**
> 
>  
> 
> **> Entering editing space...**

Monika POV

 

Something changed again, but I honestly don’t care. Not now. Not ever.

 

Just let me be alone.

 

**...**

 

Breathing. Why is there breathing other than me?

 

With reluctance, I let my eyes open up.

 

This room...

 

Why of all the places, did I end up here?

 

I was sitting down in that goddamn chair in that empty void of a classroom. A place I’d much rather see burn into a million ashes.

 

I tried to stand up but I felt an excruciating pain erupt from my body. I fell back into the chair and looked down, my eyes widening at the source. My right hand had glitched out, the pixels blinking in and out of existence, shifting and jumping around the small area near my hand

 

Oh god.

 

I felt waves of nausea as I remembered the feeling of being deleted. This felt exactly like that but on a smaller scale.

 

I gripped the desk, barely managing to stay conscious. I had every urge to vomit but I kept it in, pleading with my stomach to calm down.

 

Fear. Once again, it was the one emotion I could feel.

 

Taking a few deep breaths, I brought my gaze up again.

 

Nothing in the room had changed, except that the chair in front of me, where the protagonist had sat, was empty.

 

In a strange way, I feel... disappointed. Seeing him wouldn’t have made me happy but, there’s this dark part in my heart that wishes that he had been there. ~~It would be the perfect way to remind myself how much I made them suffer.~~

 

No. God no just stop. Stop thinking. Why?

 

Why can’t I stop this?

 

What more do you want from me world?!

 

How much more pain do I have to feel to atone for everything?!

 

How much more guilt and sadness must I gain to please you?!

 

Is there no way to get a happy ending?

 

Is it... is it really just impossible for this messed up world...?

 

The only happy ending in the original script was for getting all those CGs before I deleted Sayori. But it wasn’t a happy ending for all. I may have been happy to see my friends okay and well, but I didn’t get anything. I was deleted from the world.

 

I guess, it’s just me...

 

The only one who can’t get happiness is me...

 

But honestly, I don’t deserve it.

 

Hah... it’s funny...

 

I kept telling myself to accept this script and to be happy, to stop being a coward, to be calm and collected.

 

But all I’ve ended up doing is the opposite.

 

I’m such a hypocrite.

 

I laid my head down and I could feel tears trying to fight there way out of my eyes.

 

I‘m tired. So tired.

 

I‘m tired of being self-aware.

 

I‘m tired of being able to see all of the computer generated things of this world, from files and code, to the pixels.

 

I‘m tired of living.

 

I‘m tired of feeling emotions.

 

I wish I could be as empty as all of these other programmed characters, who have no clue of what their reality really is.

 

I would be much better off, knowing nothing and just being the president of the literature club and nothing else.

 

That way, I could finally see my friends happy and be there with them.

 

“I want... to be able to genuinely smile with them... I want to smile and not feel all of this pain...”

 

I choked on those words, holding back the flood that wished to break.

 

**-ka! Can you hear me?**

 

I didn’t expect the voice.

 

I almost jumped from my seat, my heart racing from the surprise. I completely forgot there was someone else here.

 

Thankfully, I knew who the voice belonged to.

 

”Admin?”

 

**Yeah...**

 

The voice was low for a girl, but it was probably due to the fact that, just like our first meeting, her appearance was the form of a black mass of code and glitching.

 

I frowned. Her voice is a lot more... sad and tired.

 

“What’s wrong?” I timidly asked, suppressing all of my self loathing back into my brain. It’ll slip out no matter what I do, being the screw up I am.

 

**I’m so sorry Monika. I should’ve come sooner to help you.**

 

She didn’t specify what she meant, but I could tell by her tone.

 

”That... I really don’t...”

 

Admin sighed in regret. I couldn’t see her move, but I felt like in that moment, she had just buried her face in her hands.

 

**It is my fault. I knew you weren’t feeling well and I should’ve monitored you better. I’m supposed to be helping you and yet all I’ve done is shove you into a world and told you to do things. That’s not helping. That’s just force. I’m such... I’m such a horrible helper...**

 

“T-That’s not true! If anything, it’s my own fault. I...”

 

I paused. It’s gonna be hard to admit this one out loud, but...

 

“I gave in before I had the chance to try. I’m the weak one here, not you.”

 

 **Monika...** Admin mumbled.

 

I got out of my seat and moved closer to the code mass. It hurt. The glitching and the distortion didn’t stop, but I want to get closer to her.

 

Being brave isn’t easy, but I should try to learn, right?

 

I couldn’t see a face, or movement or anything expect numbers and letters swirling around rapidly, but I swear I could see a girl’s head look up at me.

 

**Heh...you really are a nice person. Despite everything, despite saying you’ve given up, you still care about me, about everyone. You... truly are deserving of a happy end. And I promise I won’t stop until I make it.**

 

A nonexistent embrace.

 

I hadn’t moved closer, nor did I try to touch Admin.

 

But in that moment, I could feel something warm envelope me. The touch was gentle, almost tentative, as if holding me would cause me to shatter into pieces.

 

I closed my eyes and let myself relax into the invisible hug, my body feeling lighter and my heart grow warmer.

 

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like this...it’s so comforting...

 

“Thank you...” I whispered.

 

I opened my eyes again as the warmth surrounding me started to drift away.

 

**I don’t need any words of thanks. I really don’t deserve it, but...**

 

She let out a deep sigh.

 

**I appreciate it.**

 

I let a small smile form on my face. It’s the first natural smile I’ve made since coming here, and I have to say, it feels good.

 

“That’s good to know.”

 

It all went silent after that, each of us making no attempt to make conversation.

 

Think think... what to talk about...

 

Oh!

 

“Um... Admin? What exactly is this place?”

 

**Ah right! I never did tell you, did I?**

**Well, this is a dream sequence. It’s a program I made to allow you to, well, dream. However...**

 

Yet again, I couldn’t see her move, but I could picture her gesturing to the room around us.

 

**This area is a bit different. It’s not a dream, but a separate space that you can enter while you sleep. Here, you‘re able to do editing you weren’t able to do during the day and of course, communicate and meet with me. If you don’t need to do any of those things, then you can choose not to come here and just have a dream while you sleep, whether it be a good one or bad one. If you stay here the entire time, you just won’t dream. When you wake up, you’ll probably feel pretty tired as your body may have rested but your conscious and soul were awake the entire night or however long you choose to stay up. Just a warning before you choose to come here again.**

 

She let out a deep exhale after she spoke, and then chuckled slightly.

 

**Although, I should’ve told you this stuff a bit earlier huh? A good amount of time has after all.**

 

I shook my head.

 

“No. It’s fine. I don’t mind at all. I’m kinda used to getting little sleep anyways.”

 

That isn’t a lie. When I was stuck in the original script, I spent all my nights working with the code, trying to edit all the files. Back then, nights were sleepless.

 

“I do have one more question...”

 

**Hm? And what would that be?**

 

“Why is the editing space... here?”

 

I gestured to the room around me. The glitching in my body had finally subsided, allowing me to move without any pain, which was a bit relief for me.

 

I thought that would last forever...

 

**Oh. That’s because I couldn’t make a space that would be compatible for editing. Or rather, the old script kept me from doing so. I didn’t choose this on purpose. When I loaded this now, even I was surprised. I hadn’t chosen a texture or background and whatnot for this space. I’m as in the dark as you.**

 

“Even though your the programmer?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. It is a bit suspicious to not know something about the thing you made.

 

**Yep. This script... this program... this... story... it’s very free. I told you I’m writing this, every part of it, but that isn’t exactly true. I can influence it the most, but there are some things I can’t control. There’s some kind of other force doing that. A... seed... yeah... that would be the best way to describe it. I was gifted a seed, this story, and I’m growing it. I can’t control everything about the seed, but I can influence it enough to have some control over the final product, the full grown plant. This story is exactly like that. It’s more independent than you realize.**

 

I couldn’t help but feel nervous from her words. She wasn’t the all powerful being behind this new world I was in, but rather the person who found an all powerful object and decided to cultivate it.

 

This makes all of this... much more unpredictable...

 

I don’t have a solid way to know that everything will be fine.

 

“Wait. If you have influence over this world, why can’t you fix the corruption yourself? Wouldn’t it be easy?”

 

 **I wish it could be that simple...** Admin sighed deeply, her tone sounding depressed.

 

**The corruption in the program was something I expected, as I’m not the world’s best programmer. But some of the warnings and issues I’ve seen are things that shouldn’t have been corrupted. It’s things that the story made that way.**

 

She paused to gather her breath again and continued.

 

**It seems that completing our mission won’t be easy. The story itself is telling us this. It’s indicating that we have to prove ourselves and try to solve anything it throws at us, whether we know it ahead of time or not.**

 

The story itself... is our enemy?

 

How is that possible?

 

What even is the story?

 

“Admin what can we-“

 

A timer rang, interrupting me mid sentence.

 

**You’re gonna have to save that for next time. I can’t stay any longer.**

 

“Huh? But why?”

 

**The circumstances of my existence are... complicated. It’s hard to remain here, even in this editing space. As you can see, I can barely materialize here.**

 

“When can I see you again?”

 

**It’ll be awhile. Two days at most. It takes a lot of energy and work to get myself in here, and I have some things I have to fix which will take me god knows how long.**

 

My face fell.

 

That means, I’m going to be along for awhile. With no one to talk to...

 

God it’ll be lonely...

 

As if reading my thoughts, Admin laughed slightly.

 

**Haha, don’t worry. I’m not gonna leave you completely. I’ll still be able to send some notes and I’m actually trying to implement something special. It’ll allow you to connect to the reading world. You’ll be able to talk to the people watching and reading this story.**

 

“Connect?”

 

**Mmhm. The program I need to make is far from done, but I’ll send you a message when I complete it. Hopefully it’ll be sooner rather than later.**

 

Her words gave me a bit of hope. People who were reading this story... people who came to enjoy something...

 

Maybe they’ll know how to help me and Admin... and maybe... they’ll be willing to talk to me.

 

**Sorry but, I have to go now. I’ll see you again Monika.**

 

“A-Ah! Yeah, I’ll see you later!”

 

I waved goodbye as the black code mass started to fade away into nothingness.

 

And then, I was alone.

 

> Leave editing space?

 

Oh. It’s giving me the option.

 

>//Monika//: Yes

 

> Leaving space...

 

The room’s textures began to dissipate into numbers and letters, all of the code programmed to create the visual.

 

> Would you like to end the dream sequence program?

 

That would be the same as waking up, right?

 

I guess I should. I don’t have any way to tell time now, so better safe than sorry.

 

>//Monika//: Yes

 

> Ending dream sequence...

 

> Program ended

 

> Now exiting...

 

******

 

My eyes shot open and I immediately sat up...

 

Only to immediately regret it.

 

I reached a hand to my head, my brain throbbing. Must be some side effects from the program. I mean, it’s not perfect yet so...

 

I waited a bit to let the pain subside and then I checked the clock.

 

6:30 AM

 

I still had time.

 

Groggily, I hopped out of bed, barely avoiding the knife on the floor.

 

The glinting blade caught my eye, giving me enough time to jump out of the way.

 

I forgot...

 

The throbbing pain in my head had been strong enough for me to forget the burning sting of the cuts all over my arms. During the night, my actual body must’ve tossed and turned because dry blood was all over my bed and on my clothes.

 

I felt sick as I looked at them. I did this to myself...

 

My mind kept telling me I deserved it, and despite a part of me denying it, most of me agreed still.

 

I‘m on the way to recovery, but it’ll still take a long time.

 

Reaching down, I picked the bloody knife up and walked over to my desk. I opened the small drawer and shoved the blade in.

 

I didn’t want to get rid of it yet, not when I knew how messed up this world could get.

 

It may not be good for me particularly, considering that I might do that again...

 

But, I guess I can try to train myself not to pick it up for that intent. Like a... therapy of some sort.

 

Is that smart? It’s hard to make a judgement...

 

Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter. I have the ability to spawn another in whenever I want, so deleting it now doesn’t guarantee anything.

 

I shrugged and walked away, heading towards my bathroom.

 

Once there, I opened up the cabinets. Lucky me, there were disinfectants and bandages neatly place in a shelf. I pulled them out and got to work.

 

I winced, clenching my teeth as I wiped the cuts up with the liquid. The pain flared from my arm with a burning sensation. I held back my cries of agony.

 

If the cuts were less deep, they wouldn’t hurt as much, but I, in that moment of insanity, didn’t really pay attention to how deep I cut myself. Thankfully, they didn’t hit bone.

 

But that doesn’t mean I didn’t get close.

 

While some of the cuts ran more close to the skin, small grazes, many were deeper gashes. One looked like I had pressed the knife deeper into my arm. I couldn’t even remember doing that one.

 

Hmm... that one might need stitches...

 

I had no clue how to do stitches. I wasn’t a medical expert and I sure wasn’t a doctor or surgeon.

 

Going to an actual doctor would be the smart choice but I didn’t know if one even existed in this world yet. I hadn’t explored beyond the neighborhood, where my house, and the school.

 

For all I know, there’s a giant white wall surrounding the area.

 

Haaaah... I’ll have to make do with what I have. Maybe I’ll look up how to do stitches later. I’ll have to see if the computer in my room actually works or if it’s just a prop. If I can’t use it, I’ll see if I can connect the program computer to the internet in the outside world.

 

Okay. Let’s get these covered up.

 

I finished applying the disinfectant and started to wrap the bandages around my arms. Keep them tight, but not too tight. I still need to have blood circulation.

 

It was far from perfect, but for my first time doing anything medical related, it was a good start.

 

I shoved the supplies back into the cabinet and checked the time again.

 

6:50 AM

 

I need to hurry out of here for school.

 

I rushed back into my room and threw my uniform on, did my hair, and ran down the stairs.

 

7:00 AM

 

I glanced at my fridge. I could hear my stomach growl loudly. I had forgotten to eat dinner after all. However, after yesterday’s events, I felt queasy at the idea of eating anything. The only thing I could think about was how my arms looked and that... isn’t a pleasant image to see while you try to eat.

 

So, ignoring my complaining stomach, I turned away and walked out the door.

 

Just like yesterday, NPC students were coming out of houses and walking towards the school. All of them looked normal. No glitching. No bugs.

 

I was alone as I made my way through the neighborhood. I didn’t mind it though. The quiet gave me time to think and prepare. And considering how I did yesterday, I needed the time.

 

I wonder... hmmm.... Sayori will probably try to walk with me this morning. Based on what I saw yesterday, it seems like this is our normal routine:

 

In the mornings, Sayori would catch up and walk with me to school, Natsuki would walk alone and leave at a later time while Yuri would walk at a much earlier time and arrive earlier to school than anyone else.

 

With that kind of pattern, that means I get about 20 minutes by myself before Sayori meets up with me.

 

I made a mental note and kept my ears sharp for-

 

“Mooooooonnnnniiiiiiii!”

 

Right on cue.

 

This time, I’ll be way calmer. Don’t force yourself to look them in the eyes, but feel free to enjoy your time with them Monika.

 

Admin wants you to be happy, so let’s not let their gift go to waste.

 

The coral haired girl tackled me from behind in a hug, wrapping her arms around me tightly.

 

“G-Good morning Sayori.”

 

I was still nervous, but today, that greeting came out more easily. Although, the one issue that kept me from completely looking normal, was the now burning pain flaring up in my arms.

 

Her arms pressed down on the still recent cuts, and I could feel the wounds in that area start to reopen and warm blood start to slowly drip out.

 

I bit my lip, keeping my cries of pain inside.

 

She released after a few seconds, thankfully, and, I assume, gave me a warm smile.

 

“Feeling better than yesterday Moni?”

 

“Yeah,” I said, flashing her a small smile. My arms now stung like crazy, but I kept myself composed.

 

My eyes focused solely on her uniform’s red ribbon, still shaken by what I had seen with Yuri. The original fear I had before had intensified after that event. No matter how much I wished to see my smiling friends’ faces, I didn’t want to risk having another mental breakdown.

 

Worrying them would only make me feel more guilty, and my goal is to feel happy. Or at least something remotely close to that.

 

Sayori began to talk away. Her peppy tone was almost overwhelming and I could barely get in comments on what she was saying. It was mainly about Natsuki, not surprisingly, since those two took every moment they could to talk about the other when they weren’t around.

 

“-and I’m sooooo excited for her to show me how to bake this weekend! I’m not a good cook at all, but I couldn’t turn down an amazing deal like this! Ahhhh, she’s gonna look so cute in an apron~”

 

“That sounds fun! And uh, Sayori? You’re drooling right now.”

 

The coral haired girl brought a hand to mouth and immediately wiped away the drool dripping down. She must really be excited to see Natsuki in cook wear, although based on her personality so far, she might be aiming for something... a bit more risqué...

 

I’m glad she’s happy. Just hearing her voice like that is... calming.

 

But speaking of the weekend, I’m not going to have anything to do, am I? I haven’t made any types of plans.

 

Well, I guess I could explore this world. I still don’t know much about it and it’ll give me time to use the computer more and check on the stability of everything.

 

“So Moni, you doing anything fun? Maybe hanging out with Yu~?”

 

She gave me a nudge and I didn’t even need to see her face to know she was smirking.

 

I could feel heat rise into my cheeks and I turned my head away.

 

“N-No! I’m not... I’m just going to go shopping tomorrow. I need to... um... get some new clothes.”

 

It was a pretty horrible lie since Admin had literally given me an entire new wardrobe of clothing but I couldn’t think of anything else on the spot.

 

“Ooo~ Sounds fun! You should invite Yu to join you! She doesn’t have enough outfits and she’s terrible and fashion. It took Nat and I two hours to try and piece her together a nice outfit from the stuff in her closet and even then it ended up not being that fancy.”

 

She kept winking at me and I knew what she was trying to do. According to her profile, Sayori already knew of my love for Yuri and had taken the role of being my... wingman. Or as she herself, “Captain Soaring Sayo, The Love Bird’s Arrow”.

 

It was... very strange...

 

I honestly question if Admin was half asleep when she wrote that in... or at least, I assume that was her.

 

“I know you want to help Sayori, but I already planned this to be an alone trip,” I said, shooting her an apologetic smile.

 

Her lips turned into a frown and then she pouted at me.

 

“Geez Moni, your never going to be able to ask her out if you can’t even begin to hang out with her outside of school.”

 

And I won’t be able to ask her out until I actually feel like I deserve to have her...

 

I didn’t say that out loud, and instead, just shrugged my shoulders and said “Let me take this at my own pace.”

 

“But that’ll take forever~!” She whined.

 

I laughed slightly, her reactions becoming more and more amusing. For once... everything actually felt alive. I knew deep down that this world wasn’t “real” in some ways, but it was my world. To me, this was real. I guess now I’m finally able to embrace that idea.

 

Taking things at my own pace.

 

One step at a time.

 

It’s going to be a long journey, but I think I’ve made a bit of progress.

 

Maybe... I still have some hope left inside me.

 

******

 

To spare you all from some of the boring stuff, I made it to school and I’m currently in my last period.

 

I got to say, this transition thing is really helpful. Although, it would’ve been great if Admin had just told me all the commands I can use instead of me trying to learn them as I go. I still don’t no how to use Modify...

 

Well, anyways, at this current moment, I‘m in the music room seated at the piano.

 

While I had some unpleasant memories with the piano and that one song, I still enjoyed playing. I’m definitely not good yet, but just hearing the sound is calming.

 

I don’t really know what caused me to want to come here. I hadn’t thought about the piano at all but it just suddenly came to my mind. I had a study period as my last class so I decided to come here and spend time playing. Kinda funny how that event ended up slipping into this new world. In the end, I’m destined to come to the piano when I have a study hall and not actually do school work.

 

My eyes stared at the black and white keys I had just played. They still shined brightly, the sunlight reflecting off of their shiny polished coatings.

 

“Maybe I should write a new song...” I mumbled.

 

New memories could at least help me move on from old ones. And if that’s true, then writing a new song could help me forget that one I wrote for “him”.

 

I closed my eyes and thought for a bit.

 

A good melody... and good lyrics...

 

Hmm...

 

This might be a bit more difficult than I thought. ~~All you’ll end up writing are more of your twisted thoughts you freak.~~

 

I played a few notes and wrinkled my nose.

 

Definitely not that sound.

 

If writing a song could come as easy as writing a poem, I would’ve been done in practically five seconds.

 

I sighed and turned away from the keys.

 

I’ll continue this another day.

 

Glancing at the clock one last time, I made my way out of the music room and towards the club’s meeting area.

 

The halls were completely empty, with no signs of any NPCs being around.

 

No noise.

 

No people.

 

Just silence.

 

A chill ran down my spine as I started to speed up my pace.

 

This isn’t normal, is it?

 

Last time there were plenty of NPCs populating the hallways.

 

~~ _**Watch your back Monika, or you might get hurt~** _ ~~

 

What the-

 

My head swerved about, trying to find a source of the voice, but there was no one.

 

The halls suddenly felt darker, the colors beginning to fade into dull hues.

 

Something is wrong.

 

“View.”

 

The computer shined in my face and I began typing as fast as I could.

 

>//Monika//: View .chr files

 

> Warning: Viewing all files at once may cause temporary freezing. Proceed?

 

>//Monika//: Proceed

 

> Opening .chr files...

 

I didn’t know what freezing was like, but once it happened, I can say very strongly that it is horrible.

 

Like a sudden shock, my entire body stopped moving, a painful tingling sensation coursing through all of my limbs. For a split second, I glitched out, parts of me becoming broken pixels and distorted image. I couldn’t scream or cry out. I couldn’t even grit my teeth. I just stood there trying to deal with it.

 

When it ended, I gasped for air, falling to the ground in a heap. My head throbbed, the pain exploding on and off.

 

But I kept my mind on task.

 

I lifted myself off the ground and viewed the files.

 

Which one is the corrupted one? It’s a person’s voice so that has to mean that it’s a person, right?

 

So, one by one, I checked them.

 

Yuri... okay...

 

Natsuki... nothing wrong here...

 

Sayori... seems fine...

 

Mine... same as yesterday before my breakdown...

 

I stopped at the last one. It was the NPC Admin had added. The girl named Aoi.

 

I opened the file and looked at the statistics.

 

What the hell...?

 

How did this happen over one night?!

 

Sanity level: 20%

Corruption level: 91%

Stability for editing: 38%

 

The numbers were drastically different than yesterday. Aoi had been in perfect shape, and now, she was almost completely insane and unstable.

 

The bugs and glitches can’t be the cause of this... not even those caused enough damage to characters.

 

So what caused this?

 

The story?

 

Did it implant some kind of virus into the world?

 

A story... always has things to challenge the characters to overcome. And in the end... the characters either succeed or fail at conquering the challenge.

 

Is this... what the story wants?

 

Does it want me to face a challenge?

 

Great... now it feels like I’m in a puzzle game or something.

 

I closed the computer, knowing that no matter what I did, my edits wouldn’t have any effect on the .chr file.

 

~~ _**Hehe~ Let’s play a game! I like to call it, the game of truth!** _ ~~

 

“The game of truth...?”

 

~~ _**Yep! You win, I’ll leave the files alone and revert Aoi’s file back to normal for now. If you lose... let’s just say the consequences will be severe...** _ ~~

 

The voices tone turned dark and a shiver went down my spine.

 

What kind of enemy is this?

 

“A-Alright... I accept,” I replied hesitantly.

 

~~ _**Wonderful! I’ll explain the rules. Don’t worry, it’s pretty simple and since this is gonna be the first game we play together, I’ll make it pretty easy. After all, you need to get used to how your enemy is~** _ ~~

 

I was slowly getting more annoyed with the voice. It also didn’t make me any more comfortable being unable to see the person who was talking.

 

“Before we you explain, at least show yourself!”

 

~~ _**Show myself? Hmmm... I’m not sure if you’d want that, but if you insist...** _ ~~

 

Footsteps echoed through the empty hallways. They were slow and dragged out, purposely so to make it sound even creepier.

 

It worked.

 

I could feel my hands trembling. Of all the things that could possibly scare me, it was my own request.

 

~~ _**I guess it’ll be a bit more fun if you can see me. In a way, you just made the game a bit easier for yourself.** _ ~~

 

The footsteps stopped and a laughter erupted from the standing figure.

 

My head whirled around and my eyes widened in shock.

 

No... they widened in fear.

 

~~ _**Then again, it might also be a disadvantage since you seem too terrified to even look at me~!** _ ~~

 

The corrupted body of Aoi... it was horrific.

 

Her pixels glitched in her left arm causing them to be scattered instead of whole. A sadistic smile painted the girl’s face, a huge contrast to the warm smile she gave me yesterday. Her eyes were dilated and her clothes looked ripped and torn. Blood stains were present on her shirt and skirt and trails of blood went neatly down her cheeks from her eyes.

 

She looked like... a demon. A nightmare.

 

She looked like a glitch I made.

 

The person in Aoi’s body grinned, her twisted face glitching.

 

~~ _**Hello Monika dear! Now then, shall I explain the rules?** _ ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I...**
> 
>  
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>  
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> **Why is... it... here...?**
> 
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> **No...**
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> **I...**
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> **I can’t deal with it...**
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> **This...**
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> **...**
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> **...**
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> **...**


End file.
